Fade the DFS crowd with Matt Ryan in Week 7
“The deadliest contagion is majority opinion.” – Henry S. Haskins
Before I get to the contrarian plays, let me start off by saying that cats are evil. I apologize to all of the cat-loving readers I’ve just alienated, but in my experience (and research) it’s the only conclusion I could have drawn. I’m not really a dog-person either. I had a pet lizard growing up that I really liked, so maybe that makes me more of a lizard-person? Dogs are alright, I guess. At least they don’t look at you with disgust while you shelter and feed them every day of their lives.
I recently read an article on Vice that helped fuel my suspicions. In it, parasitologists speculated that ‘toxoplasma gondii’, a fairly common brain parasite found in cat litter boxes, can alter signals in a human’s brain leading to an odd array of symptoms, including cat-hoarding. In so many words, cats are engaging in mind-control tactics to assert their dominance over the human race. In ancient Egypt, entire temples were dedicated for the sole purpose of cat-worship. I ask but one question: have we domesticated cats, or have they domesticated us?
In college, my roommates all wanted a pet for the house. Five of my house-mates wanted a cat, two wanted a puppy, and I wanted nothing (maybe a lizard). You already know where I stand on cats, but I didn’t want to disappoint the rest of my house, so I lied and said I too wanted a cat. Two days later we bought a cat from a shelter named “Jeffy”. It was, like most cats, probably demonically possessed. I’m not allergic to anything else on this planet, but I was, somehow, severely allergic to Jeffy. He would also hiss at my door every morning at four a.m. until I opened the door. He would come in the room, wait till I fell back asleep, and then hiss at the door until I let him back out. Sometimes he would do this multiple times in a night. The final straw wasn’t just that he urinated on my laptop, but more than anything it was that he made perfect eye contact while doing so. In the aforementioned Vice article, it states that if an owner dies in an apartment and the animal is without food, dogs, unlike cats, can last up to a week before eating their owner. Jeffy would have waited 15 minutes tops.
After my roommates agreed Jeffy belonged in a Stephen King novel more than a college apartment, we eventually returned him to the shelter and got a lizard instead that we named ‘Karl’. It was chill. The moral of the story here, is, think for yourself, ignore the power of the crowd, and also, that cats are evil. If you ignored the power of the crowd last week and followed the advice in our last article, hopefully you made some money on Martavis Bryant, who, on DraftKings, only cost $4,000, was less than one percent owned, and finished with 35.5 points (second highest at the position).
This week, our contrarian plays are: